51 Ways to Piss Off Edward Cullen
by Violetcarson
Summary: Just what exactly gets under the skin of everyone's favorite vampire?


Ways to annoy Edward Cullen

A/N: I know that I have other things that I should be working on at this moment in time (i.e. my InuYasha fic. Meh) But I started this several months ago, and just now remembered about it. So, I had to do it.

This fic is not supposed to be based off of 51 Things Emmett Cullen is not Allowed to Do. It is entirely different, and I have no affiliation with the indifferent child of earth. The idea for this is because of something I read on an Eragon fansite, for anybody that happens to like Eragon and is now interested, it was 51 Ways to Annoy Murtagh, (I took a couple of ideas loosely from there) and can be found on shurtugal(dot)com, under the 'fun stuff' section.

I know it technically isn't a story! But, what else am I supposed to do with it?

Disclaimer: I claim absolutely no ownership to absolutely anything mentioned in this list thingey, especially not Care Bears. Those things are just...creepy. Copyright infringement is soooo NOT intended, so please, don't shoot me. I'm just bored.

51 Ways to Piss Off Edward Cullen

1. Question his sexuality.

2. Question his masculinity.

3. Question both his sexuality and masculinity at the same time.

4. Picture Bella naked while he's in the room.

5. Picture Emmett naked while he's in the room.

6. Buy him a plushy wolf.

7. And claim that its name is Steve, the all-powerful destroyer.

8. Imply that wolves are way better than vampires in any way possible.

9. Hum anything by Hilary Duff around him.

10. or Hannah Montana.

11. or Madonna.

12. Imitate a squirrel, and ask him if he has any nuts.

13. When he growls at you pat him on the head and tell he's a "good doggie."

14. Insult him in Japanese.

15. Rewire his piano so that at least five of the keys play the exact same note.

16. Paint his Volvo tie-dye.

17. Walk up to him while thinking fixedly about rainbows, smack yourself on the forehead extremely hard with an object such as a frying pan, and then yell at the top of your lungs that he did it.

18. When you pass him in a hallway at the school discuss loudly with some random person that Edward has a crush on Aro Volturi, and that they're planning on eloping in Vegas.

19. Make Alice the person that you're talking to, and tell her that she isn't invited

20. Snort into your milk loudly when he passes your table at lunch, and then pretend to choke on it.

21. Think fixedly about something totally random (i.e. Ferbies, Barney, hotdogs, world peace, etc.) until he looks at you, then stare at him with your head tilted slightly sideways.

22. Decide that you're going to make him find out just how long it takes for him to get to the center of a tootsie pop.

23. Attempt to teach him "chopsticks" on the piano.

24. Sing the Witch Doctor song when he tries to practice the piano.

25. Replace all of his clothes with female bras and thongs.

26._ Extra Large_ bras and thongs.

27. See how long you can sing the "Song that never ends" before his head explodes.

28. Go up to Bella and loudly sing Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend" to her.

29. Refer to him as "She" whenever you talk about him.

30. Ask him where babies come from.

31. Explain to him where babies come from.

32. Invite him to join a game of Spin the Bottle with the Pack.

33. Designate a theme song for him.

34. And sing it whenever he enters or leaves a room.

35. Put a care bear in his room.

36. And hang one outside his window.

37. Cross your eyes and smile whenever he glares at you.

38. Buy him a pet Chihuahua.

39. Ask him if he knows where the eraser bits go.

40. Walk up to him, poke him in the forehead, look thoughtful, and say "Yep, definitely cottage cheese," and then walk away.

41. Make an X-rated mini movie with sock puppets that look like Edward and Aro Volturi.

42. Somehow, in any way possible, convince a random guy (such as Mike) to attempt to kiss Edward.

43. Picture Emmett and Rosalie "together" when he walks into a room.

44. Knock him out and tattoo "Jake is hott" on his forehead.

45. Invite him to join in a game of Strip Poker.

46. Ask him why he and Carlisle were alone together for so long before Carlisle finally made Esme.

47. Get Alice to redesign anything of his in bright pink (i.e. Bedroom, Volvo, wardrobe, etc.)

48. Dye his hair pink by any means.

49. Replace all of his CD's with CD's of sounds in the tropical rainforest, and the Pussy Cat Dolls.

50. Force him into a game of truth or dare with Emmett and Alice.

51. Tee-Pee his Volvo.

I know I'm a nut job. Well, whatever! Review peeps!


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